Blind Vice! Lovey-Dovey Couple About to Call It Quits!

Carol Anne Sausage-Snatcher is having some trouble in paradise.

But at least she'll have someone to commiserate about her romance troubles with ‘cause, in case you didn't know, she's practically besties with Carmelita Salami-Climber. And rightfully so, they're cut from the same juicy pig, if you catch my drift.

Well, while Carm thinks she's in BF heaven, Carol is in relationship hell...

RELATED: Blind Vice: Carmelita's Real Friends Say Dump the Dude!

‘Cause her man is fed up with her BS.

See, Carol's guy actually really loves her. Like, over the moon love. Adorable, right?

We don't see much true love in the Vice vault.

And while Carol says she totally hearts her dude right back, she can't seem to stop her very flirtatious ways. Ya know, like when she brings her guy to swanky T-town shindigs and spends the whole night letting strangers paw at her very enviable assets. All while her poor schmuck of a partner watches on.

Well enough is enough, and Carol Anne's man pulled her aside at a recent party for what he thought was a private conversation.

Unfortch, Carol got all dramatic (per usual) and made a scene. Now everyone's watching to see if the formerly so-happy couple busts up.

And we wouldn't be surprised if they split, like, tomorrow. It's getting that bad.

And It Ain't: Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan, Jennifer Aniston

PHOTOS: Blind Vice Superstars!

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Truth, Lies & Ted: Are Kristen and Rob Swapping Undies?

Is Kim Kardashian taking wedding tips from royal bride Kate Middleton? Is Taylor Swift naughtier than she wants you to think? And have Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart really been wearing each other's underwear when they're apart?

I've got tons of stripped-down gossip on this week's super trashy episode of Truth, Lies & Ted!

And don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube page for plenty more dirt on your fave celebrities!

PHOTOS: Rob & Kristen Romance Diary!

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Robert Pattinson's Rocker Competition, Reeve Carney, Hearts Kristen Stewart Too!

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First, he nabbed Robert Pattinson's coveted movie role, but is Reeve Carney now trying to steal Rob's girlfriend, too?

That seems to be the Robsten fanatics' fear o' the moment. In case you haven't been keeping up, Rob was interested in playing the part of legendary rocker Jeff Buckley in the big-screen biopic. Sadly, that role went to Broadway Spider-Man star Carney.

So how does the guy go from script stealer to Kristen Stewart snatcher?

RELATED: Jeff Buckley Biopic Gets a Leading Man—and It Isn't Robert Pattinson!

‘Cause he seems to have a bit of a celeb crush on the Twilight babe!

Sleuthy (and probably a bit paranoid, too) Rob fans were quick to discover that the man who replaced their beloved vamp heartthrob has chatted about Kristen quite a few times. And even admits on Twitter that he dreams about her!

"Dreamt that I fell in love with Kristen Stewart," @reevecarney tweeted, "and then spent the rest of the dream being chased around by a man with a machete."

You had better watch out, Reeve, 'cause that might be Rob Pattinson with the machete. Or more likely, a Twi-hard.

We're kidding, of course, but Reeve went on to adorably tell that same dream in a video with Popdust, and can we just say, we don't hate him. He's got some pipes on him and he's not too shabby on the eyes, either.

But calm down, Robsten fans! We're not replacing Rob.

Even though Reeve and K.Stew have met before (he tweeted how much of a sweetie she was after she saw his band, Carney, perform at SXSW last year), they both have significant others. Reeve is linked up to rocker chick Lisa Origliasso of The Veronicas, FYI.

Besides, have you all noticed how eerily alike Reeve and Kristen look? They'd look like twins kissing, eww!

So we're all in agreement that there's no unnecessary beef here, right?

At least when it comes to the ladies. We're still kinda disappointed Robby won't be playing Buckley.

PHOTOS: If Looks Could Kill: Rate Rob Pattinson!

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New Pissed List Video! Is Sarah Palin Losing Steam?

It's not the first time I've been peeved at Sarah Palin, and it won't be the last!

But this time the hockey mom has me up in arms because she...actually shut up?! With grizzly Palin lying low, she's letting kooky corn dog-gobblin' Michele Bachmann steal all her political limelight, and that's why Palin's at the top of my Pissed List this week!

To find out more peeps who've raised by blood pressure (and tons more vids), check out my YouTube page!

PHOTOS: Hollywood Jumps on Palin Bashing Bandwagon!

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Weekend Bitch-Back! Is Taylor Lautner's Vice a Parental Problem?

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Dear Ted:
So you said Taylor Lautner's Vice would be one of the most shocking of the young B.V.ers, but it is well documented that T.L.'s dad is all up in his business and possibly as bad a stage parent as Dina Lohan. So my question is, does papa Lautner know about the B.V. and turn a blind eye as long as the money is rolling in? I can't imagine the little werewolf could be so undercover with such a controlling parental unit.
—Still Team Sparkles

Dear Daddy's Boy:
Tay's dad tends to poke his nose into the biz side of things rather than what his son is up to on whatever movie set he's on, but he is most definitely aware of Taylor's Vice. Taylor keeps it under wraps from the public (fairly well, might I add) but doesn't hide it from his fam, his peeps or any of his hottie castmates. Trust, they all know.

Dear Ted:
Whose career would be the most damaged should their Vice be revealed, Jensen Ackles or Jared Padalecki? And who has more delicious Vice?
—Acklelicious

RELATED: Breaking Dawn Photo Bonanza: Peep More Pics of the Honeymoon!

Dear One in the Same:
Jensen's, duh.

Dear Ted:
I love you, I really do, but I gotta say I'm a little disappointed you haven't been able to get to the bottom of this Chord Overstreet thing. It's obvious there's something going on there. Did he try to out-diva Lea Michele? Did he sleep with the wrong girl? Did he refuse to sleep with the right boy? Was he "partying" too much? Was he blowing his lines? Calling in sick? Did his agent demand too much money?
—Mike

Dear Glee-dux:
You are right about one thing, there are definitely bigger issues going on with Chord's exit than the PR-friendly crapola about him moving on to bigger and better things. And this won't be the last Gleek that gets burned by the franchise. Bottom line: Everything points to Ryan Murphy and his precocious executive skills.

Dear Ted:
I have been paying particularly close attention to your recent Blinds, and I have to know: Is Carmelita Salami-Climber related to Alter Ego Salami? I just need to know. Love you, doll.
—CinnamonGirl

Dear Pig Roast:
Happy to tell ya, doll: No, they're not related. In fact, I'm not sure if they've ever even met before. If they have, it would have been a blink-and-ya-miss-it encounter at one of the swanky award shows they're always at.

Dear Ted:
I'm a woman, but I don't think a woman should be president. I am also from Texas, and I don't really like Rick Perry. Why is being a Republican becoming sooo difficult?
—MissM

Dear Look in the Mirror:
Because despite Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin, hordes of you folks still think the good ol' boys club should keep the Oval Office warm, not a woman. And that's just for starters. Take a look at that creepy Munchkin in the brunette Miss Piggy wig, Christine O'Donnell, who can't even answer simple questions on live TV. You people are a mess!

Dear Ted:
I may be in heaven if Steven Soderbergh is a man of his word and features the unbelievably hot cast (Tatum, Pettyfer, Bomer, etc.) of Magic Mike with full frontal (yes, I am one of those naughty gals who appreciate the male form in all of its glory). Will it really happen, or will they chicken out and save those shots for the "special edition" DVD? That wouldn't be the same. Your guesses on this?
—Bryn

Dear Full Monty:
I would bet some serious moolah that it'll happen, babe. And not just on the DVD, but in, to borrow your wording, "full glory" on the big screen. Now we just gotta wonder which of the delish dudes it will be. More on that Monday, promise!

PHOTOS: R.Pattz vs. Taylor!

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Is Jennifer Aniston's New Man a Brad Pitt Clone?

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Seems Jennifer Aniston may have a "type."

We hate to keep bringin' the babe's mucho famous ex into the mix, but Brad Pitt and her current beau, Justin Theroux, seem to share more than just a preference for sometimes-grizzly facial hair and famous Friends.

So is J.T. just a Brad 2.0?

RELATED: Did Jennifer Aniston Do Drugs With Paul Rudd?

We sure hope not.

Yet, the case is building: Further comparisons between the two were quickly pointed out when Justin was recently seen tearin' up the town on his motorcycle (not that his vehicle of choice was ever much of a mystery).

Pitt is also a passionate ‘cycler, in case you didn't know.

So not a big deal, right?

That's what we say. Just because they both have bikes, doesn't mean they're carbon copies of one another.

In fact, we say Justin is much more the actual badass type that Brad Pitt wants you to believe he is. Justin has that whole rocker, laid-back ‘tude that Jennifer finds so appealing (for now).

It's a no-pressure relaysh, and that's what Jen's into. She can do the whole dating thing but still have plenty of gal-pal time when she wants.

The same definitely does not go for Brad-boy.

And hey, at least we left Angelina Jolie out of this one. Well, until just now, that is...

PHOTOS: The Equally Many Lusts of Jennifer Aniston

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Morning Bitch-Back! Is Lea Michele's Dude a Vicey Dud?

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Dear Ted:
Is Lea Michele's Blind Vice name Carmelita Salami-Climber? Who wouldn't be jealous of that talent, and her boyfriend has always seemed a little bit on the metro side to me. I think the clues all fit. Am I right, Ted?
—Katie

Dear Deli Diva:
Sure, the clues may fit, but Lea is not our dubious Blind Vice, darling. Carmelita's looks are more envy-worthy than her showbiz skill set. Plus, CS-C is getting much more serious, much more quickly with her respective guy than Lea is with her spit-swappin' stud. But you sure get spunky credit!

Dear Ted:
If you dig really hard, Bennifer is back. On her Facebook they say they are together. Jennifer Garner should be locking up her man. Please don't bring my name into this. Thanxs.
—B

RELATED: Lea Michele and Jon Bon Jovi—Is This the Duet of the Year?

Dear Sally Snitcher:
Hate to break it to ya, blabbermouth, but this is so not Facebook official. And FYI, do you really think if crafty J.Lo was running around with Ben Affleck she'd post about it on a social media site? Jenny G. keeps better tabs on her man than that.

Dear Ted:
You have readers even in Bosnia! But I need your help. I just discovered True Blood and would like to know more about our favorite vampire Alexander Skarsg?rd. Will his character Eric stay with Sookie? What do your trusted sources in Hollywood say? And what do they say about the actor himself? What is he like? Cannot believe someone as handsome as him was with an emaciated blonde like Kate Bosworth. Please shed some light on his personality.
—Grateful A

Dear Late to the Party:
Doll, you've got Skarsholm Syndrome! Don't worry, tho, we have it too and, trust, you don't want a cure. We aren't even close to seeing the end of Sookie and Eric's steamy relaysh. As for Eric's real-life counterpart, Alex is a cool dude, for the most part. As I'm sure you already know though, he's definitely one of my fave Vicers.

Dear Ted:
I'm enjoying the Hildago Van Buren Vice quite a bit—it reminds me of my favorite board game, Clue. So how's my detective work? I think it's Jesse Tyler Ferguson, seduced by Chace Crawford, at the Teen Choice Awards! How did I do?
—Lisa

Dear Clued In:
Your detective work is good, Sherlock, but you have a bit more sniffing around to do. Jesse is a fab guess for Hildy himself, but you're a bit colder on his horny (and "straight" pal). Think more famous.

Dear Ted:
Re: Tom Cruise as Reacher. Though this will mark my age, I seem to remember this same flub occurred when he was cast as Lestat in Interview With the Vampire back in the '90s. I started watching it about halfway through the other week and tried to remember why I thought it sucked so hard when it came out—and then Lestat appeared onscreen at the end. Will that man ever realize not all movie leads were written for him?
—CM

Dear Cruisin' for Answers:
Probably not. At least not when studios are still willin' to dole out the big bucks to see him on the big screen.

PHOTOS: Fashion Spotlight: Lea Michele!

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